I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
