Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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