I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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