I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
