Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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