Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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