for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
