12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
