please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
