Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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