I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
