Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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