your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
no you cant smoke seaweed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
