Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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