she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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