I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
