i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
