i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
