I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
