he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
