I got chris browned last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
