The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
