so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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