how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
