Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
