no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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