I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Randomize
