she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
