Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
