I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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