i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
