I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
