my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
