Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
