Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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