At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
