perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize