I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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