His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
