Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
