His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
