then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
