The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
