They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
