i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
