So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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