Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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