i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
