remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
