Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
