I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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