What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
